The Roommates - SCENE 2

SCENE TWO

(SAYAKA is busy in the kitchen making dinner.  Her hands move automatically to chop vegetables, but her mind is elsewhere.)

SAYAKA
I wonder if Kim-san found the slip of paper?  I mean, I did scribble my number on it rather quickly…

(She stops chopping the vegetables.)
Oh no!  What if I wrote down the wrong number by mistake?

(She puts down the knife.)
What if she’s calling that number right now?

(She leans against the kitchen counter.)
What if someone else picks up and she thinks I played her?  What if she thinks I made a fool out of her?

(She makes random panicky hand movements.)
What if she doesn’t like me now that she called the wrong number?

(She takes a deep breath.)
No.  Don’t think like that.

(She exhales.)
I’m sure that, if Kim-san is interested, she’d know where to find me.

(She exhales again.)
…right?

I mean, she did come to the pet store to buy a puppy.

She did buy a puppy.

But why would she ever want to come back to the pet store?

Maybe to get more chew toys?

(She is now pacing around in the kitchen.)
She could pick that up at her local Target…  So she wouldn’t have to come back to the pet store.

I wonder if we have any special chew toys for puppies like Nobu?

(She ponders for a moment.)
I don’t think so.  I’ll have to talk to Akimoto-san to order some special chew toys then.  That way, Kim-san will come by and pick them up for Nobu!  Yes!

(She lets out a sigh of exasperation.)
What are you doing, Sayaka?  You are merely speculating that Kim-san would want to buy more chew toys for Nobu…

No, no, I must pull myself together.

(Suddenly, an idea hits her like a tonne of bricks.)
OF COURSE!  I made her fill out the paperwork when she got Nobu.

(She pauses.)
Wait, did I do that?

(She realizes something important.)
OH NO, I DIDN’T!!

(She thinks.)
…I was too busy babbling about how cute Nobu is in Japanese…

Oooooh, Akimoto-san is going to be so angry if he finds out…

(Another idea has struck.)
What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.  I can get Kim-san to fill out the paperwork later…

(She realizes that she has no way of contacting Kim.)
I don’t have even her phone number.

(She frowns and her brows knit together in thought.  She then sighs.)
I don’t know anything about her except that she has a cool car and now has a very cute puppy.  This doesn’t help me at all.

(She turns back to her cutting board and picks up the knife.)
I’m going to be in so much trouble.

(She continues chopping vegetables.)

(Meanwhile, a figure hovering near the kitchen has heard all of SAYAKA’s monologue and smirks.)

YUKO
(She mutters to herself.)
Kim-san, eh?  Oooooh, Takamina will have a field day once I tell her that SAYAKA’s interested in someone.

(She flips open her phone and silently types a message.)

The Roommates - SCENE 1

SCENE ONE

(A door opens and SAYAKA enters the apartment.  She tosses her keys in a bowl placed atop a counter near the door.  She hears video game sounds in a room next to the kitchen.  She takes off her shoes and changes into a pair of slippers and goes to the room.)

SAYAKA
Oy, you playing Dragon Quest again?

YUKO
(She swings her arms around while the TV screen indicates that her character is slashing a sword at an enemy in the game.)
Yeah!

(She swings again and a roar could be heard from the TV.  She pauses the game and puts down the Wii controller.)
What’s up?

SAYAKA
I met a really cute girl today at the pet store.

YUKO
…and…?

SAYAKA
I may have inadvertently given her my number.  Maybe.

YUKO
…and…?

SAYAKA
(She laughs sheepishly.)
…that’s all?

YUKO
Sayaka, you’ve gotta be more aggressive!

SAYAKA
Uh…

YUKO
Like, grab her by the shoulders and tell her you like her!

SAYAKA
…no.

YUKO
That’s what I did with Carol and see how we turned out?

SAYAKA
Isn’t Carol mad at you about something right now?

YUKO
Shut up, don’t remind me.  It’s so hard to figure out why she’s mad at me.

(She pouts.)
She’s not dropping me any hints this time.

SAYAKA
I don’t even know why she would want to drop hints about this kind of stuff.

YUKO
Whatever, I’m sure if I do something romantic, she’ll forget she was ever mad at me.

SAYAKA
(She snorts.)
Yeah, right.  Remember what happened last time?  You gave her flowers and a box of chocolates, and she let out Ringo on you.

YUKO
But, but, but, Ringo likes me!  All she did was tackle me to the ground and sort of drooled all over my face…

SAYAKA
It was still funny, though.

(She shrugs.)
Whatever you did, you’d better make it up to Carol and apologize to her…

YUKO
I know, I know.

(Her cell phone beeps.  She flips it open to read the incoming text message.)
Oh snap, Takamina proposed to her girlfriend!

SAYAKA
Really?  …and…?

YUKO
Well, obviously she wouldn’t text me if it wasn’t good news!

SAYAKA
So they’re engaged.

YUKO
Obviously.

SAYAKA
(She gives YUKO an indescribable look.)
…you seem ok with this.

YUKO
We dated three years ago, it’s ok.  No hard feelings between us.  It didn’t work out, remember?  We’re BFFs now, so it’s all good.

SAYAKA
All right, whatever you say.  I just wonder what would happen if Takamina’s fiancée found out that you both dated and that you’re BFFs…

YUKO
(She laughs.  Then looks uneasy.)
I think we shouldn’t mention that to her fiancée.  But we actually don’t have anything to hide.

SAYAKA
Wait, have we ever met Takamina’s fiancee before?

YUKO
I don’t think so?

(She thinks long and hard while making random cute faces.)
Oh wait!!  I was at the cafe visiting Carol earlier today and there was some super romantic atmosphere in there… I couldn’t really see who was proposing but maybe it was Takamina?

(She picks up her Wii controller and chucks it at her bed.)
THAT SLY DEVIL!  She didn’t even tell any of us that she was going to propose!  I know she was all ‘serious’ and stuff, but she could’ve at least told us.

SAYAKA
(She is amused, and pulls out her cell phone.)
Uh, she only texted you.  I got nothing from her.

YUKO
Oh.

SAYAKA
I guess she wanted you to know first.

YUKO
Well, maybe she heard me at the cafe…

SAYAKA
Were you shouting or being stupid during her proposal?

YUKO
No, I passed gas.

SAYAKA
(She bursts out laughing.)
ARE YOU SERIOUS?

YUKO
Uh, yeah, it was really loud and then Carol got all mad at me again.

SAYAKA
You’re so…

YUKO
Random!

SAYAKA
Yeah, that.

YUKO
(She wiggles her eyebrows suggestively and smirks.)
That’s what everyone loves about me.

SAYAKA
Ugh, save that to suck up to Carol later.

YUKO
I’d do more than suck…

(She suddenly stops talking upon realization of something.)

SAYAKA
(She glares at YUKO, daring her to continue her sentence.)
…what did you say?

YUKO
(All the colour drains from her face upon realization what SAYAKA would do if she dropped dirty jokes under the same roof.)
Nothing!  I said nothing!

SAYAKA
That’s it, you’re not getting any food tonight.  You might as well go over to Carol’s and apologize to her.

YUKO
But I didn’t say anything perverted!!  You can’t not feed me!!

SAYAKA
You need to stop being so lazy and to stop being so perverted

YUKO
Why?  I have you around and you can do all the cooking!  I can be as pervy as I want!  No one’s stopped me.

SAYAKA
I don’t understand what Carol sees in you, honestly.

YUKO
She sees a lot more when I’m…

SAYAKA
(She takes a plush toy from YUKO’s bed and chucks it at YUKO’s head.)

YUKO
Ow!!  What was that for?

SAYAKA
No dinner tonight and no breakfast for tomorrow.

YUKO
(She begins to whine.)
But, but, but I like your cooking!!

SAYAKA
You know how to cook too.  You can make your own food.

YUKO
But, but, but your cooking is the best!

SAYAKA
Make instant ramen or something.  You really need to stop being so dependent on others.

YUKO
(She whines.)
I don’t want instant ramen for dinner!!!

SAYAKA
Go to Carol’s place to apologize and I’m pretty sure you can leech food off of her.  You’re so lazy, ugh.

YUKO
(She whines. Again.)
But I don’t want to eat instant ramen for dinner!!  I want steak!  Steak is su-te-ki!

SAYAKA
Go and apologize to Carol.

YUKO
(She flails her arms like a petulant child.)
No!

SAYAKA
She’s your girlfriend, you need to apologize to her.

YUKO
But I don’t know what I did wrong!!!

SAYAKA
Maybe it was something you said?

YUKO
I don’t think so?  She would’ve said something to me then and there.

SAYAKA
Or she would’ve said nothing and is now being passive-aggressive?  You should know your own girlfriend.

YUKO
(She sighs.)
Maybe I should go talk to her.

SAYAKA
Go and talk to her.

(She mutters to herself.)
I’ll just stay home and wonder about that cute girl I met today…

(She abruptly walks out of YUKO’s room.)

YUKO
(She stares at the now empty room.  She whispers to herself.)
Something’s up with SAYAKA.  Maybe she’s… smitten?

(She squees and bounces on her bed.)

—

Up next: we peer inside the mind of Akimoto Sayaka.

SayaKim - ACT 1, SCENE 5

SCENE FIVE

KIM
(Her knuckles have turned white because she’s gripping the steering wheel to death.  She smiles weakly at SAYAKA.)
You sure do like Lady Gaga, don’t you?

SAYAKA
(She stops singing along to Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”)
Of course!  Who doesn’t love Lady Gaga!

KIM
Uh, right.

(She thinks for a second.)
So how do you like the car?  You were so excited about it earlier…

SAYAKA
(Flashes KIM with a thousand-watt smile.)
Your car is AWE-SOME, はいはい。

NOBU
(He barks.)
Woof!

SAYAKA
(She giggles and scratches NOBU’s head.)
And NOBU is awesome too!

KIM
(She smiles.)
So, where are you headed?  I can drop you off somewhere.

(She mutters to herself.)
I’d rather you stay though.

SAYAKA
Sorry, what was that?

KIM
Oh, nothing, nothing.  Where do you want me to drop you off?

SAYAKA
Dropping me off would mean that you ‘picked me up’ at some point, right?

KIM
(Flabbergasted by SAYAKA’s sudden playful nature.)
Uh, uh, uh…  uh… uh…

SAYAKA
Relax, Kim-san, I am only teasing.  Can you drop me off at my apartment?

KIM
Sure.  Where is it?

SAYAKA
Actually, we’re really close to it!  Make a left here.

(She points and KIM makes the turn.)
And keep going until you hit the stop sign.  Turn right there and you’ll see the building.

KIM
(Pulls up on the curb and fidgets in her seat.  She thinks to herself.)
What do I say?  I want to see her again, but… Oh man, how awkward would that be…?

SAYAKA
(She interrupts KIM’s thoughts.)
Ah, Kim-san, I had fun today.

(She fidgets with her hair.)
Ah, by fun, I mean, I enjoyed your company… and… your car is awesome.  Uh, thank you for the ride.  I hope NOBU will be very happy with you.

(She looks at KIM, who seems to be a bit frozen in time, staring off at her dashboard.  She smiles.)
Kim-san?

KIM
Ah, sorry, I spaced out there.  Uh, yeah, I had fun hanging out with you.  And thanks so much with helping me get NOBU’s stuff in the car…

(She purposely trails off, unsure of what else to say.)

SAYAKA
(She smiles and, much to KIM’s surprise, gives her a kiss on the cheek.)
ありがとうございます。

(She gets out of the car carefully and puts NOBU’s carrier on the passenger seat floor.  She gives KIM a wave before running inside her apartment.)

KIM
…what the hell just happened there, NOBU?

NOBU
(He whimpers.)

KIM
(She takes NOBU out of his carrier and pets him.)
I don’t… I don’t… what the heck… Did she just kiss me on the cheek?

(She continues petting NOBU and notices that a slip of paper was tucked inside his collar.  She pulls it out and looks at it.

Inside, the following was scribbled (quite hastily):
“SAYAKA AKIMOTO 301-867-5309*”)

(KIM’s jaw drops.)
No fucking way!

THE END OF SAYAKIM (ACT 1)

—

* I want to apologize first if this is actually someone’s number.  Please don’t call them and ask for Sayaka Akimoto!  It’s a fictitious number!  For the record, the story is set in Maryland (USA), hence the 301 area code.  The phone number is a reference to the ever-catchy Tommy Tutone song “867-5309 (Jenny)” {http://youtu.be/FkpGQUflBwU}.

SayaKim - ACT 1, SCENE 4

SCENE FOUR

(KIM fumbles with her pant pockets, looking for her iPod.)

KIM
Ah, I think my iPod is in the glove compartment.  Can you open it and check?

SAYAKA
(Budges for the compartment, but NOBU’s carrier is in the way.)
I’m afraid I can’t, Kim-san.  NOBU’s carrier is preventing me from opening it fully.  You might need to pull over so I can put down the carrier and open the compartment.

KIM
Ah, ok, let’s do that.

(She pulls over in a nearby neighbourhood.)

SAYAKA
(Puts NOBU’s carrier in the back seat and tries to open the glove compartment.)
It’s stuck.

KIM
What?  Let me try.

(She tries to pull open the glove compartment.  With a bit too much force and she suddenly found her hands in SAYAKA’s lap and quickly pulls them away.)
Uh, sorry.

(Thinks to herself.)
Aw, dammit!!  I’m totally not trying to feel her up.  I hope she doesn’t get the wrong impression.

SAYAKA
(She laughs and pretends that nothing happened.)
Maybe if we both pull on the handle, it’ll budge?

(She takes one of KIM’s hands and puts it on the glove compartment handle.  She places her own hand on top of KIM’s and they both pull.  The glove compartment finally budges and it opens to display a variety of contents: KIM’s iPod, a pack of tissues, a pair of gloves, an umbrella, and a random assortment of candy.)

KIM
Yuss!  It opened!

(She takes her iPod and plugs it into the auxiliary input of her car stereo.  She hands over the iPod to SAYAKA.)

Here, you can pick which song we listen to.  Do you just want to go for a drive around town?

SAYAKA
(Happily goes through KIM’s iPod.)
Um, sure, let’s do that.

(She closes the glove compartment, picks up NOBU’s carrier and puts it back on her lap.  She then proceeds to pick a song and, to KIM’s surprise, starts singing as they move through the streets again.)

I am as vain as I allow
I do my hair, I gloss my eyes
I touch myself all through the night
And when something falls out of place
I take my time, I put it back
I touch myself ‘til I’m on track*

KIM
(She thinks to herself.)
OH MY GOD.
SHE’S SINGING ALONG TO LADY GAGA.
DOES SHE EVEN REALIZE WHAT THE LYRICS MEAN?
OH MY GOD.

(She grips the steering wheel hard as SAYAKA continues to sing.)

SAYAKA
(Singing along to Gaga, NOBU is happily wagging his tail in his carrier, oblivious to his new owner’s predicament.)

I love that lavender blonde
The way she moves, the way she walks

(She catches KIM’s eye and winks.)

I touch myself, can’t get enough
And in the silence of the night
Through all the tears and all the lies
I touch myself, and it’s alright

* Lyrics are from Lady Gaga’s “So Happy I Could Die” (http://youtu.be/r08xhL0jI1Q).

SayaKim - ACT 1, SCENE 3

SCENE THREE

(NOBU is safely stowed in his carrier, which is on SAYAKA’s lap.  SAYAKA is sitting in the passenger seat and KIM is at the driver’s seat.)

SAYAKA
Yay~  We’re going for a ride!!

KIM
(She pretends to not notice that the word ‘ride’ was emphasized.  She thinks to herself.)
Ride as in a car ride.  Nothing else, Kim.

(She shakes her head.)
Be still, my beating heart.

(She turns to SAYAKA.)
Uh, Sayaka, is this ok?  I mean, you still have work and everything… Did you get someone to cover for you while you’re out on your break?

SAYAKA
(Grins impishly.)
I closed the pet store.  It’s only me working today.

KIM
Won’t you get in trouble with your boss?

SAYAKA
Akimoto-san* is on vacation this week.  He won’t know.

KIM
Ok… but if you do get in trouble, it’s not my fault!

(She sticks out her tongue.)

SAYAKA
Oh, Kim-san, you are a funny one.

(She pumps a fist in the air.)
Now, let’s go!

(KIM’s Nissan Sentra comes to life and they leave the pet store parking lot.  SAYAKA begins to ogle at the dashboard.)

SAYAKA
Ooh, look at all the pretty gauges.

KIM
(Thinking to herself.)
If she wasn’t so fine, I’d think her to be a Sentra-obsessed nutcase.

(She fumbles with the sound system.)
Do you want to listen to some music?

SAYAKA
(Beams.)
Do you have any Lady Gaga**?

—

*Akimoto Yasushi-san.  SAYAKA is not referring to herself in the third person, but the producer of AKB48.  Yes, in this universe, he’s the boss of a pet store (and more).

** Words cannot express how horrified, but terribly amused, I was when I saw this: http://ameblo.jp/akimotoo0726/entry-10959459804.html.

SayaKim - ACT 1, SCENE 2

SCENE TWO

(SAYAKA is packing a variety of pet necessities and accessories for KIM and NOBU at the counter. Meanwhile, KIM is holding NOBU and tickling the little puppy, who is now squeaking happily.)

SAYAKA
Miss, I’m done packing all of the things you need for Nobu.

KIM
(She pretends to glance at SAYAKA’s name tag, even though she knows her name already.)
Ah, Sayaka, just call me Kim.

SAYAKA
(She blushes.)
Kim-san, shall I help you put these things in your car?

KIM
Sure.

(They both walk out of the pet store towards KIM’s car.)

SAYAKA
(Squeals suddenly upon approaching KIM’s car.)
AHHHHHHH~~~‼‼

KIM
(Clutches onto NOBU tightly, looks around to see SAYAKA babbling again in Japanese.)
Uh, Sayaka, what’s wrong?

SAYAKA
Kim-san! Is this the 2012 Nissan Sentra SE-R SPEC V model with a 2.5L engine?

KIM
(Flabbergasted by SAYAKA’s random knowledge of cars.)
A Sentra with a what and a what?

SAYAKA
(Practically bouncing around with excitement.)
This car is yours, is it not?

KIM
Yes, it’s mine… what’s so special about it? It’s just a car…

SAYAKA
(Speaking very fast now.)
It’s just a car?! It is an amazing car! It has 200 horsepower, sport appearance headlights and taillights, fog lights, sport grille, unique front and rear fascias, side sill spoilers, exhaust finish and Spec-V rear decklid badging‼

KIM
(Gives her one heck of a confused look and continues petting NOBU.)
Uh, right…

SAYAKA
YOU MUST TAKE ME FOR A RIDE!

SayaKim - ACT 1, SCENE 1

SCENE ONE

(A door opens and a bell tied to the top of the door rings as KIM walks in.  Animal noises, ranging from birds chirping, cats mewing, dogs barking, to snakes hissing, can be heard in the store.)

KIM
(She approaches the counter.  She is wearing a dress shirt, dress pants, and very interestingly patterned red tie.  She looks around.  No one appears to be at the counter.)
Hello?  Is anyone there?

SAYAKA
(Pops up from below the counter, wearing a red apron over her street clothes, and grins at KIM.)
Ah, hello.  Can I help you with something?

KIM
(Shocked that SAYAKA popped out of nowhere, but regains her composure.)
I would like to buy a puppy.

SAYAKA
(Beams at KIM.)
A puppy?  We have lots here‼  Let me show you to some of the really, really, really cuuuuuuuuuuuuute ones!

(She leads KIM to the back of the store and points at a litter of pups.  She picks one up and looks at KIM.)
Isn’t he cute?

(She begins to babble incoherently in Japanese about how cute the puppy is.)

KIM
(Surprised and amused.  She stares at SAYAKA in disbelief because the girl was now definitely lost in her own world, babbling in incoherent Japanese.  Taking advantage of this distraction, KIM checks out SAYAKA.)

(Thinking to herself.)
Dayum, nice body.

(She peers to look at the name tag on SAYAKA’s apron.)
Sayaka, eh?  Oh so fine goddess of the pet store!

(She clears her throat.)
Ahem.

SAYAKA
(Immediately stops babbling in Japanese, smiles sheepishly, and hands over the puppy to KIM.)
This is Nobu.

KIM
Nobu?

SAYAKA
In Japanese, it means ‘faith’.

KIM
Ah.

(She picks up NOBU from SAYAKA and looks at him.)

NOBU
(Blinks and stares at KIM.  He then yawns.)

SAYAKA
Ah, the little one needs to take a nap.

KIM
(Begins gushing at how cute NOBU is.)
He just yawned!
Omigosh, he’s so adorable.

(She begins babbling in very fast English about NOBU’s adorable qualities and how she wants to take him home immediately.)

SAYAKA
(Smiles.)
I guess you will take him then?  He does need a proper home.

KIM
(Nods fervently.)
I’ll take him.